break my fall.

Painting done by Kramer Dahl :)
In the last week I feel I haven't been myself.
This could be due to several reasons.
I guess one could say that I'm frustrated with unexplainable things.


This.
Last Sunday when I went into work I expected everything
to go as planned. I was wrong. Very wrong.

I show up around 4:00 and Maryanne (the general manager),
was there as a server, as she usually does on Sunday afternoons.

For the first 45 minutes everything was going normal.
Then, a man came in that was dressed in a blue Winger's shirt.
He sat down and was talking with the owner (her name is Leah).

About 20 minutes into their conversation, Maryanne sat to talk with them.
Afterwards, Maryanne came up to me and said that she was leaving.
I was in many ways confused of what this meant.
She told me that they were firing her and that the new general manager
was the man in the blue shirt.

My world had just come crashing down.

When I first started working at Salt Lake City Winger's I had a deep hatred for the woman.
I disliked how she handled things and how she was always nagging at the servers.
She would always be on your back about little things that you had forgotten.
Maryanne is Asian, so I think a lot of it is just part of her culture.

After working with her over 8 months, I began to build a friendship with her.
I realized that it was just how she ran her restaurant.
She was very efficient, and compared to other Winger's, there was very little waste produced.
She made the restaurant tick like a clock, and never missed a beat.

There was absolutely no reason that she should've been fired.
You shouldn't be fired for doing your job too well.
Over her career at Winger's, the restaurant won multiple service awards.
There wasn't a moment when we would run out of supplies for food.
She handled the restaurant in the exact way I, or any other sensible person, would want it.

She was seven months pregnant and worked over 100 hours a week.
Since she has been gone an entire array of problems have begun to arise.
Everything has gone to shit!

R.I.P. Maryanne. I love and miss you.


This.
I'm debating on working a second job.
I want to go and apply at Denny's and work the graveyard shifts.
I heard that the money is good.
I need the money if I am ever going to accomplish everything I want.
I just don't know if I can handle the amount of sleep that will be lacking.

This.
I have been overly annoyed with the human population in general.
I have noticed that many people around me are only skin deep.
So many people take the small things for granted.
They don't see all the beauty.
They aren't genuine.
People just come crawling back.
Why? You're just going to flake off again like dry paint.
You're so ugly.


This.
A $2.00 tip is still not okay, and never will be.


This.
My mind is constantly running, I want to do so many things, yet I lack the time and funds.


This.
I don't care for calculus but it stands in the way of my dreams, and I must understand it.


This.
Everyday I am tempted to buy a plane ticket for the next flight to somewhere else.
Anywhere else.
I feel like I am stuck in the same routine and unable to get out.
It'll all pay off one day, right?


& Finally
I'm so sure about some things and so unsure about others.

monsters really do exist.

I try to use public transportation as much as I can. I feel like it's a small contribution to the environment, but it's not anything close to where I should be. One day I got on, sat down, and was on my way to school. Just a stop or two after me, a rather unusually dressed man (or woman) got on. When I say unusually dressed i mean this:

It was back when there was a really bad inversion. This creature seemed to take it just a little too far. I can understand wearing those small white masks that people wear when they paint (I'm not sure what the name of them is), but do we need a full on gas mask and to cover our skin from exposure to any air. I'm thinking not.

When it journeyed onto TRAX I made eye contact with a few people sitting around and I could tell they were thinking the same thing as I was. 'What the hell?!' I was lucky enough to obtain a picture of this thing. The most entertaining parts of my day usually come from riding TRAX. From creepy old men to the crazy homeless, it's something that never fails to put a smile on my face.

issues.

Today I recall two MAJOR things that bothered me:

One) When people speak different languages around me.

I'm not sure why this bothers me, but it does. It bothers

me more than you'll know.

Two) People, or people who associate themselves with

individuals who think its alright to wear puka shells.

They really should be called "puke-a" shells. This isn't

okay if you are over the age of birth. I am not sure what

island these retched things originated from, but they

should've stayed there. There is a kid in my design class

that wears them -EVERY DAY- and it doesn't fail to put a

little dent in my day when I look over and see this nasty,

white, jumble of nonsense staring me back in the face.

Stop wearing puka shells everyone, it's not and never will

be okay.

inked.

ONE.
I feel like I'm unusually clean.
When there is dish in the sink, a crumb on the counter, or a pillow out of place.
My world in in complete chaos.
The imperfection screams at me until I fix it.
I can't seem to get any work done.
I make my bed as soon as I get out of it.
I drop everything to fold my laundry.
When things aren't in place, my day doesn't go smoothly.
When people aren't like this it makes me sick.
No one is like this.

Yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.
When things are clean.
My mind is free.
I can accomplish anything.
Nothing gets in my way.

TWO.
Today I went to get sushi with my beautiful sister, Andrea.
We had a great talk about life, family, and everything relative.
Afterwards, a tattoo was in order.

I got mine behind my left ear, and she got hers on her wrist.
Andrea and I decided that we would get matching ohm tattoos (it can also be said "aum").

Here is a little explanation of what AUM means:

The letter ‘a’ stands for the entire physical world of your experience. The experiencer, the experience and the experienced, all three of them are covered by the sound ‘a’. When you are awake, you are aware of your physical body and this physical world – known and unknown. You are also aware of the experience of the physical world. At the same time, you are also aware of the experiencer – that is you. All these three you are aware of, are ‘a’.

The letter ‘u’ is the thought world, which is distinctly experienced as other than the physical world. A thought world which is distinctly experienced, as your dream, as your imagination and as abstract or subtle, Sūkùma or subtle is represented by ‘u’. The thought world, the object of the thought world and its experience are the meaning of the sound ‘u’.

Then there is ‘m’. It stands for the experience you have in deep sleep, the unmanifest condition. What was there before and after the creation is the meaning of the sound ‘m’. Thus, the sleeper and the sleep experience, the dreamer and the dream experience and the waker and the waking experience all these three constitute what we call everything that is here. All these three together represent ‘Om’. Om is complete. We saw what existed before, what exists now and what will exist later is all Om. Even all known and unknown that is experienced, the experience and the experiencer, is also Om.

So I think what ohm really means is that we need to have more depth to us, we need to be more than skin deep. As human beings, we need to be open to anything, we should want to experience everything. This will in result in more well rounded individuals, that don't discriminate against others for their beliefs, race, or sexual orientation. Overall, making the world a better place.

my addiction.

Some people are addicted to cigarettes.
Some people are addicted to alcohol.
I am addicted to this:


I often wonder why I care what is going on in the celebrity world, but I really do. It's either I care a lot, or I just love when Chelsea Handler makes fun of everyone and everything known in Hollywood.

When the time reaches around 11:30 pm nothing gets in my way of cruising home and tuning into channel E! at midnight for Chelsea Lately. It is the funniest thirty minutes of my day.

To go along with her witty television show, the lovely lady has three books that she has written. I am currently reading the first of the three and I would suggest it to anyone. It's called , "Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea." Go get it, read it, and you can thank me later.

what I've been missing.

Today I bought one of these:


Now, I have none of this:


I feel like this was the best decision I've ever made. I've wanted a Mac for the longest time, but my previous computer had never given me any trouble.

One day, about a week ago, my computer was running low on battery. I grabbed the power cord as usual, plugged it in, and the light that usually comes on, didn't. After fooling around with it for a few minutes, I came to the conclusion that the cord was in disrepair.

Then I realized that this was the perfect excuse to buy the computer of my dreams.

So, this morning after math class. I sprinted off to the bookstore and didn't hesitate blowing my entire savings on something that really is a vital need for anyones academic career.

College checklist:
-books (check)
-backpack (check)
-Macbook (CHECK)
-Money (hmmm.)

movie marathon.

I finally got to watch The Blind Side, starring Sandra Bullock. I must say that it was everything I expeceted it to be. I didn't tear up, which is suprising for me (I'm sort of a softy when it comes to these kind of things). The movie is a great example of being selfless. It made me look at my life and realize that I'm selfish. This isn't something new to me; I've always known this. Though I will probably always look out for myself first (sorry but it's the truth), I need to maybe go out of my way for someone else ever once and a while.










Yesterday, while storming the Redbox, I came across this movie. I had never heard anything about it, but it had a lot of good actors in it so I didn't hesitate to rent it. It was fantastic! It was one of those movies that you didn't want to end; sort of like a good book. The storyline is different from other movies, in that it tells a bunch of different stories of people that live in New York City. It was a good mix of witty humor and moments that make you want to cry. If you haven't seen it, go rent it!!

they must exist.

Kolby and I have decided that we aren't going to renew our lease at Towngate because of several reasons:

1. The parking is out of control.
2. There is an excess of Mexicans and Black people (I'm not -that- racist, but there are just too many of them in one place. It's weird being the minority).
   
3. Everyday I feel like I'm waking up in a moderately priced hotel room. The apartment is nice, but if it were to be compared to a person, it has about as much character as Nicholas Cage. It's no good.
   
4. It's not as close as I'd like to be to school.
   
5. We need to live in a house, or somewhere that you can make some noise and not have to neighbors call the police because they think someone is being beat (see previous post).
6. Overall I give my experience at Towngate a 6 out of 10. We deserve better!

We have been searching Craigslist and KSL. I think our best option would be to find another roommate. This brings up another problem because Kolby and I are very particular as to how we like things in our apartment. Here is a list of things that this certain individual must pertain in order to be considered (warning; this is a bit ridiculous):

• Must be a boy (Ally -Kolby's girlfriend- probably wouldn't appreciate her man shacking with another lady).
• Must be straight (Kolby doesn't like the idea of having two gay roommates, which I understand and I will respect his wishes).
• Must be "gay friendly" (Need I explain?).
• A non-smoker.
• Drug free.
• Drinking is alright, but in moderation.
• CLEAN! This should probably be at the top of the list. Kolby and I are known for our cleanliness, and whoever we choose to live with us has to be the same way. This doesn't mean that you clean your room once a week. It means you clean it everyday. I can't go to sleep without the dishes being done, or if anything is out of place. You MUST be a tidy person or we will make sure you are removed.
• Even though age isn't a huge factor, we would prefer someone under the age of 30. It's a little weird if you're older than that and not able to live on your own or have the urge to live with people our age.
• I'm sure there is more, but this is all for now.

We are going to live at Towngate until the end of March. We are trying to find a house near campus and are hoping that rent will be around $350 a month (per individual), that's including utilities.

It will be a miracle if we get everything we want.

P.S. We know we aren't normal.

the new me.

Sunday being Valentine's Day, I had no one to call my valentine. I didn't want the holiday to go to waste so I decided to make some new decisions for myself:

Decision#1: I have been thinking for a while now about being done with drinking. So I have picked this day, this day of love, to love myself and get rid of drinking once and for all from my life. This won't be too hard, considering that i rarely do it anyways. As of February 13, 2010 Regan Mower won't be touching anything with a proof higher than water.

Decision#2: I'm letting you all know that by the end of May, or beginning of June of 2013 I'll be moving to New York City for graduate school. I plan to move there for a year prior to going to school there so I can pay resident tuition for graduate school.

Decision#2: I've decided that along with architecture, I want to get my major in business. I plan on doing this after I'm done with graduate school in NYC. I'm not yet sure where I will go for graduate school, but I know that I want to go to New York University for there business program. I'm going to be in school forever! I can't wait!

slap-game and slapping a ho: the similarities.

This weekend could easily be put at the top of the funny list. It all started off normal, as I worked Friday and Saturday night. After getting off Saturday night at around midnight, I decided that it was time for some fun. After gathering a good group of people together, it was off to a birthday party. There was a local jazz band playing, I got to see a bunch of good friends from work, and the dancing was more than great.

After the party Amanda, Ryan, Maddie, Kolby, Kramer and I decided that we would go back to mine and Kolby's apartment and continue the great time there. Shortly after we all arrived, Amanda and Ryan decided to leave. This is when the insanity began.

Egyptian rat screw is sometihng that never fails to come to mind when there is nothing to do. The only thing you need to know about the game is that when there is two of the same card laid, whoever slaps it, wins the hand. Kramer, Kolby, Maddie and I decided that nothing sounded better than to find who could be the best at this ridiculous game. I'll also let you know that we take this game a little too seriously. Everytime there is a double laid, Maddie can't help but let out a squeal that I'm sure everyone in our building can hear.

After playing the game for nearly an hour the time had reached 3 am, and our enthusiasm for the game hadn't dwindled a bit. This is when we were all shocked to hear a knock on our door at such an early hour in the morning. Kolby and Kramer dashed into Kolby's room and Maddie and I made a sprint to the door. Maddie had realized that Ryan had reversed the peep-hole in the door earlier that week so whoever was outside could see in and we couldn't see them. Great. Whoever was outside was pounding on the door and saying something that no one could understand. So I calmly asked, "who's there?" They answered with, "SLC police." Fantastic! We unlocked the door and let the three, rather large, police officers in. They also were in the company of a ferocious looking dog.

Grreeeeaaaatt!

After one police officer looked around the apartment and made sure we were all alright. He let us know that one of our neighbors had called in to report a domestic dispute. The neighbors said it sounded like someone was being thrown against a wall.

The four of us were all freaking out, becuase all we were guilty of was playing an intense game of cards. We let the officers know that we were innocent and that we were not beating Maddie (as much as we would like to). We explained to them the rules of the game and how the four of us slapping the table, in combination with Maddie screaming at the top of her lungs could sound a lot like an abusive situation. After trying to keep their composure and letting out a slight giggle the police officers let us know that we should keep the noise level down and went on there way.

After the police officers left, Kramer, Kolby, Maddie, and I burst into laughter and went to Denny's to celebrate the occasion.

lack.of.money

There are three things I want in life at the moment.



one.
two.
three.

negativity

Today was productive
I finished my painting
I finished my art project
I'm finished

I have no urge to see Avatar
I'm sick of everyone talking about it
I'm sick of homeless people begging for money
I'm sick of thinking about him
I'm sick

I want the week to end
I work Thursday through Sunday Night
I'll work on fitting some fun in
I work

I'm beeing a bit pessimistic
I'm done focusing on what's missing
I'm done feeling sorry for myself
I'm done

be BOLD.

ONLY the bold ones.

1. I’m a boy.
2. I’m gay.
3. I’ve kissed a girl.
4. I’ve kissed a boy.
5. I have a facebook account.
6. I have a myspace account.
7. I know who Sid Vicious is.
8. I wear glasses.
9. I’m left-handed.
10. I’m flat-footed.
11. I write stuff on my skin.
12. I have Sex Pistols in my iPod.
13. I smoke.
14. I drink.
15. I’m agoraphobic.
16. I wanna leave home when I turn 18.
17. I hate my school.
18. Someone already broke my heart.
19. I already broke someone’s heart.
20. I prefer books over movies.
21. I’m bilingual.
22. I swear a lot.
23. My parents don’t know I smoke.
24. or drink.
25. I sleep on a couch.
26. I secretly despise most of my friends.
27. I take pictures of myself a lot.
28. I smile a lot.
29. I don’t care about my nails.
30. My ipod is my best friend.
31. I lie at least five times a day.
32. I care about what I wear.
33. I’m an attention-whore.
34. I want to be a parent when I grow up.
35. I want to get married.
36. I just nod when I don’t get what other people say.
37. I care about what other people think.
38. I’m always late for everything.
39. I do the peace sign when someone takes a picture of me.
40. I play an instrument.
41. I sleep with a light on.
42. I care about my cellphone.
43. I can’t live without a cellphone.
44. I’ve talked to a stranger online.
45. I think my siblings are cute.
46. I once had a crush on my teacher.
47. I sing along when I hear my favorite song.
48. I look at the keyboard when I type.
49. I use the finger often.
50. I make faces when my enemy/people I hate aren’t looking

warmth.

I can't help but notice that the sky is looking more blue. I feel like summer is coming close. Even though this somewhat pathetic winter will most likely leave us all with nothing to drink, I am excited to venture outside for the first time in months, and be able to wear shorts and not have my face frostbitten off.

Summer o' 2010 resolutions:

• Try out the new camping gear
• get.in.shape.
• Replenish my savings account
• Take and pass physics
• Take a road trip with people
• Take a road trip alone
• Buy a better bike
• Run a 1/2 marathon
• Forget
• Remember
• Move on
• Be a better friend
• Be a better brother
• Be a better son
• Be better
• Try new things
• Go to a concert or two
• Take down some walls I've built up
• Realize what I've done wrong
• Learn
• Prioritize
• Swing in a hammock
• Do absolutely nothing
• Climb a tree
• Go swimming
• Get sunburned
• Go hiking
• Build a fire
• Spend a few days in Park City
• Go longboarding
• Have fun

Looks like it's going to be a good one.

lazy sunday.

This weekend, when I had finished working on Friday and Saturday, I was left with nothing to do on Sunday. The last thing I wanted to do was watch some football game. After watching 14 episodes of House Hunters, I sent out on a hunt of my own.

I had been wanting to do an oversized painting to replace all the pictures I took down in my room. Not wanting to pay a lot of money for a large canvas, I set out to make my own. Wallet in hand, I was ready to tackle the project.





List of supplies:

• 2 yrds of white duck fabric
• 4-8'x1"x2"s
• A saw
• Staple gun and staples
• Scissors
• A set of paint brushes
• A bottle of black, white, red, yellow, and blue paint.
• A bottle of clear gloss.

The project was a lot more time consuming than i first thought it would be. I started at 6:00 on Sunday and didn't get done until 4:00 am Monday morning. It turned out a lot better then I thought, too. It's 6 ft wide and 5 1/2 ft tall and covers the majority of my wall.

New found hobby: Painting.

the human billboard.

Like many, I have been guilty of being an advertisement Hollister, Old Navy, Aeropostale, etc. At around the age of 16 I realized how stale wearing the same logo on 16 different colored shirts was. Since my realization, my level of annoyance every time I see someone with a plastered logo accross their chest has grown.

I've had urges to stand outside Hollister and tell the victims how ridiculus they look wearing the same repeated style that hasn't changed since the store opened. I want to ask them why they would spend $35 on a shirt that looks like it got sent to Hell and back then put through a shredder.

I don't know about everyone else, but when I buy clothes I look for things that will make me stand out; give me some individuality. I don't want to look like the other million people that walk into that awful store. Do you?

tip or die.

If you have ever gone out to eat at a restaurant and the table's bill came to around $12.00 and you paid for your meal, and left a whole $2.40 (which is %20) for a tip, you sir are guilty of being an awful tipper. The majority of people think that as long as the percentage is over ten, that they're good as gold. Just because you searched the menu for the greatest deal possible or brought your stack of coupons doesn't mean the amount your server recieves as a tip should decrease along with the amount of your ticket. Here are some rules that I've come up with that should help anyone be a better tipper:

• Never leave less than a %15 tip, unless the server intentionally gives you terrible service. I say intentionally, because if your food comes late or your drink doesn't get refilled as soon as you're finished with it, look around and see if your server is overwhelmed with multiple tables and realize that you're not the only people in the restaurant.
• Whether you come in by yourself or with another person your tip should never be below $5.00 for the table. If your check is less than $20.00, it doesn't mean that your server does any less work than if your check reached $50.00. Your tip is a tip for service. If you feel good about leaving $2.00, you might as well keep it, because you obviously need it more.
• If the service you recieve is exceptional (meaning your drinks are always full, your food comes quickly, and your server does everything that you ask) you shouldn't hesitate to tip your server 20-25%. Better service=better tip.
• If these tough times have your scrounging for every cent and have you cutting back on the amount you spend. Make sure before you enter the restaurant you have enough to leave a reasonable tip. If you can't afford to leave a good tip, stay at home and serve yourself, or take a drive by Taco Bell; no one wants to serve your sorry ass.
• Being nice does not justify leaving a good tip. I have had several tables sit and talk to me and tell me how good I was doing. As they left they didn't hesitate to tell me how great everything was. Then when I went to retrieve my great reward I am shocked to find they only left me %10. Please, be that costumer that can't get enough extra dressing with their salad and doesn't say "thank you" once. Just leave me a decent amount of money that I can put towards what I want after I have just refilled your drink 437 times.

I think I have made my point clear. Sorry to rant and rave about this, but it's something I deal with everyday.

P.S. Most servers only get paid $2.13 an hour. We live off of our tips!

tuesdays.

When I was signing up for classes this semester I thought it would be a great idea to only have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Though Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are letting me work to stay alive, I never considered how awful being in class for 12 hours could really be. My first class starts at 9:10 in the morning and I don't get done until 9:00 at night. With a few short breaks, I feel as though these long days of class are going to kill me. Tuesday is the weeks redheaded stepchild.

looking back

What a crazy year! These are just a few things that have happened:

• Moved out
• Started college
• Grew up
• Disappointed those I love the most
• Got caught
• Doubted myself
• Refused to quit
• Lost some really good friends
• Gained some new ones
• Traveled the country
• Accepted who I am
• Found what makes me happy
• Blew my savings on an education
• Refocused on what is important
• Fell for someone
• Wished for things that didn't happen
• Learned a lot
• Put some walls up
• Realized how much I love my friends
• Became a fan of Barack
• Attempted to gain a political opinion
• Gained a love for reading
• Spent hours at coffee shops
• Fell deeper in love with architecture
• Realized that I really want to do this
• Found my boundries
• Kept a secret
• Been inspired
• Snuck into a 21+ club
• Taken down pictures
• Ran 6 miles
• Lost weight
• Sent letters I never saw myself sending
• Cried by myself
• Been so happy that I cried

2009 was unforgettable! Bring on 2010!

forget yourself.

"Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." -Henry Miller